Sunday, August 28, 2005

Deciding on Date Plans

The following is excerpts from Friday's conversation between 4 friends trying to decide what we'd do for our double date that night:

I heard you were planning the date Friday night and Jeremy has told me what you have planned. Dukes of Hazzard is out of the question--you guys just want to see Jessica Simpson……what about the Wedding Crashers--I've heard it's funny from several people.

(Mike's response - Jill's response to Mike in purple)
Jessica Simpson is in the Dukes of Hazard? Yes. What? You knew that. Why would anyone want to see Jessica Simpson in really short shorts? Cause some weridos think extremely dumb blonds are hot. I am simply interested in the car being as Jill and I both own Dodge vehicles. That’s a big bunch of horse $#!+! Jessica Simpson is just a silly interruption in great action packed car chase scenes. Yet more horse $#!+.

I was planning a theme night. Go Kart racing and a movie where the central theme is cars. Unfortunately Herbie Fully Loaded is already out of theaters so that left Dukes of Hazard. You are creative. Think of something else.

Wedding Crashers is a rated R movie Dukes of Hazard is pG13 And you point being……..?

I think the Dukes of Hazard with its positive theme of never letting the Man keep you down would be a great choice. Don’t you mean theme of “seeing dumb blonde girl strut around in nearly nothing” being a great choice? You know that’s what you were thinking.

(Mike's repsonse to Jill's comments in green - Jill's retort in blue - Mike's comebacks in dark green)
First off, if I thought Jessica Simpson was attractive (and I'm not admitting that I do) it wouldn't have anything to do with her mind. Her huge pair of HOOHA's possibly but definitely not her mind. Talk about something your WIFE will never be able to live up to… HELLO?! We can get you a new pair of HOOHA's if you want.

Second, what is the difference between going to see a movie about an impossibly romantic guy that husbands will never be able to live up to...And going to see a movie about fast cars, battling against the oppression of a ruthless tyrant interrupted, ever so briefly, by a scantly clad woman? The difference is getting wife into romantic mood for possible CPB (crunchy peanut butter = sex) after arrival back at home or……NOT. What about getting your husband in the mood for...nevermind stupid argument.

C, I am totally willing to compromise. Race Go-Karts, play violent first person shooter video games, watch Fantastic 4. I'm cool with that. Are we negotiating now? Shall I enter my 2 cents? Ok, great. I can do the go-cart thing. Afterwards, I like Michelle’s idea - you boys can go watch your sleazy hooha film I can just see the Dukes of Hazard Marketing group talking to the sensors now "We can't put sleazy HOOHA film in the trailer? That's what this movie is!!!" and Michelle and I can go watch something a little more mature. Or, we can completely compromise by seeing something we can all agree on. There’s a movie with Matt Damon and Heath Ledger coming out on Friday…..Matt Damon and Heath Ledger!!! Just admit that you want to see these two dumb as a wet sack of hammers because they will have tight fitting outfits on and you want to see their butts!!!

(Jeremy, Michelle's husband, adds his 2 cents)
I would like it stated for the record that I had absolutely nothing to do with that comment about the huge HOOHA’s. That was tasteless and inappropriate. If we can’t admire a woman for any reason other than her body, what does that make us? Personally, I think that there are other admirable qualities to Jessica. For instance, I just happen to admire her for the big melons she has in her fruit garden. I also am impressed by the large jugs she has in her kitchen. I have also noted that she has a nice set of bongos to play in her band. Obviously, there are many other admirable qualities to Jessica than her body – like her perky hooters (I’ve heard that she has some pet owls).

(Jill's response to Jeremy)
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Mike's retarded response)
If God didn't love hooters he would have had Noah leave them off the Ark.


AfricaBleu said...


And "retarded" doesn't even come CLOSE to describing that last comment -

I bet he likes that restaurant for the wings, yeah?

Jill said...

Yes, well, I was being nice by saying 'retarded'. Don't wanna get the hubby too upset in case I want some 'crunchy peanut butter'. :) HA!!!!!!! And yes, he has made comments on how 'they' have great wings. Although he doesn't patronize that establishment, I get an earful every time we pass it. Gotta love em, right?

sarah j. said...


Thank you for sharing, Jill!! What a way to start my Monday...