My Heart Is Heavy

Do you ever have something going on in your circle of the world that makes everything else that's going on seem trivial? Right now, a dear friend of mine is hurting and I'm so burdened that I'm just nauseous and even if I didn't intend to be fasting and praying about this, God has so made it that food is not even desirous and I can't do anything but think and pray for this friend. I have to confess that I haven't done more than the obligatory prayers each day for a while now. I've gotten into a rut, so to speak. But this past week, I have really been convicted that I need to interceed. I need to pray those prayers that others can't even pray for themselves until they are able. I confess also that even when I've had something on my mind that I feel like I "should" pray for, my mind wanders into ways that I can fix whatever the situation is. This time, my mind can't even wander because God is drawing me back to pray.

I have to confess also that I hate conflict. I hate any kind of conflict. I want everyone to get along all of the time and for everyone to be happy. That may be one of the reasons my husband gets to irritated at me when I say "I don't care, where do you want to go" when we try to find a place to eat dinner. I like all kinds of food and I'd rather everyone else go someplace they'd enjoy because I'm sure to like whatever place we pick. I just want everyone else to be happy. And when someone I care about is hurting or something is not right or there's conflict, I'm torn on how to deal with it. Part of me wants to fix it - in whatever way necessary. Another part of me just wants to hide my head in the sand and pretend nothing out of the ordinary is going on. Today, I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure what God wants me to do. So until I get a clear answer on whether or not I SHOULD do anything, I'm going to pray. I'm going to pray like I've never prayed before. If you are so inclined, whoever, you are, please pray with me and for me.